Check out my second Thought Catalog piece. 🙂

Before You Go Running Back To Your Ex

Breaking up sucks. Whether it’s saying goodbye to
your high school sweetheart turned long term partner or going cold turkey on
someone who sorta is/sorta not your boyfriend; whether you’ve been together –
Facebook official or not – for 3 weeks or 3 years, breaking up sucks.


And on some days, it’s gonna suck even more. You
hear the Ellie Goulding song that was playing in the background when you first
realized you were in love (or some semblance of), you pass by “your”
brunch spot, you see a Friends re-run, or you stumble across some random
relationship memorabilia. You were fine then suddenly you’re bursting in tears
singing along with Ellie “love me like you do, love me, love me like
you do
“.
Before you start running back to your ex, let me
first give you a harsh reality check.
It’s called a break-up because something was
broken.
 Surely there is a reason why you decided to call it quits.
Yes, it’s one thing to be sad about cutting ties
with a person you’ve grown close and rather quite fond of (for the most part),
but add in the person you were supposed to backpack through Europe with or to
have a white picket fence with? It’s a whole ‘nother ball game. Truth is,
heart aches become 10x more painful as we weep over the possibilities that came
with that someone. Yes, we break up with an actual person, but we also let go
of hopes, dreams, and plans. Although you may argue that it’s impossible not to
mourn losing both, I am urging you not to let the maybes cloud your judgment of
the what is. Your imagined scenarios are designed to be flawless – they’re
filled with your ideals. Remember that although your what if’s are
possible, they aren’t 100% certain. What is real is now and the fact that it
isn’t working.
Who said anything about wanting to get back
together?! I just wanted to inform him that there’s a Friends marathon on
TV/our brunch place is under renovation/I found the earphones I thought I’d
lost. I mean, what’s wrong with that?! 
LOTS. It goes to show that he’s still your main
man, and by now, he shouldn’t be. In doing so, you are positioning yourself in
a lose-lose situation – either he gives you the cold shoulder or he invites you
back to a burning house. I’m not saying that you’ll never be friends, but if
you just broke up, it’s best to give yourselves some time and space. And if you
really need to talk about these things to someone, share it on
Twitter or Facebook instead.
Ok fine, I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to make
it work.
Honey, you’re being hopeless. Period. A true
romantic would look for someone who brings butterflies and fireworks, someone
who will love you the way you want to be loved. A real hopeless romantic will
not settle. So cut the crap, and have faith that you will find the love you
deserve. 
But he can change! 
You’ve said that how many times before you actually
decided to end things? And did he really? Are you supposed to just wait and
wait forever because maybe he’ll change? Who are you kidding?!
Yes, maybe he can change, but the question is, does he want to? We try to
hold on to possibilities but in reality, we’re closing ourselves off actual
opportunities.
But I can change! 
If you’re gonna settle and choose to live a life
you dislike all for the sake of keeping him around, fine. Run back to him! But
as you change back your relationship status and start counting the likes, are
you honest to goodness happy? Trying to be someone you’re not takes a lot more
effort than being who you really are. As you sacrifice bits and pieces of your
identity, sooner or later, you’re gonna find an empty vacuum where your soul
used to be. At this point, finding your happiness will be close to impossible
as you wouldn’t even be able to define who “you” are, more so what makes “you”
happy.
But I can be a better person! 
Sooooo, you were the one who sucked the first
round, ey? Read the above points again, and if you’ve come to the same
conclusion that you can be better not just because your ex has turned into an
ideal, or because looking back, you feel like it was actually not bad, and it’s
something you can “live with” – but because you feel that what you
had was great, that he was an amazing person and it’s just dumb to let him go,
then it’s time you get off the computer and figure out your core issues. What
made you distant? What made you snap? Talk openly about these and importantly,
talk about what you’re gonna do about it. Because if you want to run back to
your ex, you don’t just anyhow drop everything and go after him at the
slightest discomfort of being single. You think it through with your head and
for the heart. When you do decide that it’s worth another go, make your way towards
him with meaning and purpose in each stride and hope to God he meets you
halfway – preferably sprinting.

4 thoughts on “BEFORE YOU GO RUNNING BACK TO YOUR EX”

  1. I could hug you for this piece, Reg!! My ex and I broke up last October after a four year relationship. It really screwed me up, and I blamed myself a lot, but your post has really helped cast light on the whole thing. I am getting better every day and I KNOW that Mr Right is around the corner but I will never, ever settle, I know I deserve better. It's reading things like this that keep me strong, so thank you, sister 🙂 x

    AmandaSays

    1. Thank you for your comment, Amanda! It's feedback like yours that remind me why I write because normally I get shy in posting personal things (thinking other people might feel it's about them, etc). So, yay! I'm glad you're hanging on and staying strong! Know that you deserve the best possible love and that the best is yet to come 🙂

  2. Don't Ask Your Ex Girlfriend To Get Back Together

    You should never ask your ex girlfriend to get back together. Why? Simple, because her answer will be NO!

    You're only shot at getting her back is to do the right things that will make her ask you to get back together. Maybe if you broke up with her, then you might be able to be the one who brings up the subject of getting back together. But if you can do it without, it would be much better.

    But how do you get someone back without seeming desperate? In order to get girls attention, you have to show value without telegraphing your interest in her, while at the same time initiating interaction.

    So don't ignore her texts and calls when they break up with you. It screams that you are so devastated by the breakup that you can't even handle talking to her. You want to respond to her, but do it in the right way. You can even initiate communication if you do it in the right way.
    You have to maintain a strong frame of confidence, and show your ex girlfriend that your happiness isn't dependent on being with her. I didnt learn this until i went to http://bit.ly/1GmqBhL I thought it was bs at first but as time went on it starting working. I got back with my ex a few weeks later and things been pretty good ever since.

    1. Hi, other than keeping a strong front and strategizing how to get her run back to you, I think you should use this time to reassess if it's really what you want and save both yourselves the trouble if you just want a relationship and not the person in question. 🙂

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