THE FAMILIAR

Around this time last year, I found myself in the blank page between the chapter that was and the chapter to be. A significant portion of my then 22-year life had ended and a life-changing possibility was looming just around the corner. As much confusion as there was, hope and opportunity were beckoning. All I could do then was look forward and hold on to this faint spark and pray it ignited. And it did. I spent 8 weeks of independence in a different continent. It was in the unfamiliar that I got familiar with myself.

Yet now, I’ve come to this. I spent the last hour going through my Europe photos, wallowing in nostalgia and reliving moments in that no longer unfamiliar city, when I realized I was in reverse. The trip that brought back the enthusiasm I’ve lost is the same thing that’s hindering my enthusiasm now. A big ass opportunity is currently being processed and truth be told, after the first few weeks of being intoxicated by the idea of living somewhere else, it’s becoming really terrifying. There’s something unfamiliar with the familiarity of that place. It just didn’t feel right. There was no “!” unlike my first morning here. Or maybe – I’m deathly scared by this thought – the bar has been set so high that I’ve lost the capacity to be blown away. Or it can also just be that I’m too rigid and my psychosis of wanting everything to happen the way I envisioned it to be is acting up again. Expectations vs Reality, Regina.

It’s just harder now than one year before coz I’m facing a crossroad instead of an explicit “this way”. Both paths have advantages and disadvantages and a decision must be made on where I’d trod next. I just don’t wanna screw this up coz we’re talking the next couple of years of my life here. *panics* Maybe I should stop thinking (ok, not really a good idea since it’s my impulsiveness that got me here in the first place), just let go and let God. After all, I’ve grown quite familiar to this unfamiliar plane where all I can do is look forward, hold on to a faint spark and hope it ignites.

xx
Reg
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