One of my Facebook friends shared an Elite Daily article that made my eyebrow shoot up. It’s entitled There Is No Such Thing As Equal Love: Why The One Who Cares Less Always ‘Wins’. SAY WHAT?! The title alone was enough to make my blood boil. In the words of Bonjovi, “darling, you give love a bad name.” I feel like the author has confused infatuation with love. If your relationship is synonymous to a power struggle, I don’t think it qualifies as an actual loving relationship. I’m not saying that relationships should be perfect and that emotionally-healthy couples don’t argue, but mind games? Really?! I’m absolutely terrified that this might be the prominent message that is circulating our society about love. Don’t get me wrong, I get the importance of the chase. I get that it’s important not to appear overeager and absolutely lovestruck in this day and age of creepers and stalkers. I know how it feels to lose to someone who didn’t want to get to know me as much as I wanted to get to know him. But to be in an actual relationship and still be calculating who’s putting in more and how much more/less should I give is downright unhealthy. I am not telling you to be a doormat or a martyr or a conniving bitch. I am hoping you find a relationship that will provide you partnership. A partnership by the very definition, that is mutually beneficial. A relationship that will make you feel good about giving just as much as receiving. A love that won’t make you question. Not because it doesn’t give you magic, not because it doesn’t open you to new horizons, and definitely not because it’s stagnant. Life will be filled with a lot of curious wonders when you’re in love, heck, the best relationships are the ones that open you up to a world of possibilities. What it doesn’t have room for, however, is doubt. I wish you a love that won’t let you have misgivings about your partner’s fidelity and their motives; a love that won’t make you sleepless worrying about the relationship’s stability and whether or not it’s actually a relationship; and importantly, a love that won’t let you question your value as a person and whether or not you are “enough”. A love that empowers and protects rather than makes you doubt your partner, your relationship, and your self.
But if all you’re aiming for is “beating an opponent”, I can assure you that you’ve lost before you even started. Because the truth is, even if it is quantitatively impossible to measure, there can be equal love in a relationship when you have two people loving with their whole hearts.This idea probably wouldn’t suffice all of you, but it’s the only gauge we have and quite frankly, it should be more than necessary. To loosely paraphrase Moulin Rouge, the most epic win in this world is to love and be loved in return.
xx