SOMETIMES WE GET SO USED TO HOW THINGS ARE THAT WE NO LONGER ASK WHY. I mean of course there are scientific truths that are just so universal that it’s better swallowed than asking why and getting a really long dissertation as a response, but living life is more art than science and it, to become more meaningful, requires regularly asking why.
One of the points I’ve been repeating to my team at work is that knowing the why is more important than knowing the how. You can master a process through repetition, but to actually have mastery over a certain skill, you need develop a full understanding. You have to know the why – or else you wouldn’t be able to apply the same concept to something else. It’s something that we have to have at the back of our minds whenever we do anything. It’s that all-encompassing why that will guide us and it’s important that we’re all on the same page and have the same “why”. Outside of work though, it’s the same thing. It’s our purpose – our why – that guides our course. The answer to why you do certain things can vary greatly depending on what that particular task is, but we more or less have this general why in terms of how we want to live. And if our how’s are actively going against that, we feel a restlessness that results from this disconnect.
Take working. Working for me has been about fulfilling social obligations as a full functioning adult, living up to family’s expectations of me, and finding means to sustain my lifestyle. I mean, it still is, but now, more than anything, work for me is about our team and I have never felt more driven. I’ve always wanted to make a global impact on humanity (hello, NGO and UN dreams) but maybe the best place to start is where I am. When you see dedicated people working hard around you- you know you have to pick up the slack. When you see these people working FOR you – you push even harder. Good enough isn’t gonna cut it. And I know it seems counterproductive since the customer has to be the number one priority, but in putting my team in the center, it basically elevates our standards and our service because let’s be real – there’s no team without the customer. And it’s not to say we turn a blind-eye to members who are functioning subpar even after repeated reprimands; we owe it to the greater good to cut off anyone who drags down the team’s performance. This is what has pulled me through the tough calls I had to recently make (that and having my sounding board and one of my best and wise friends who’s also my half-sister on my side). But yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s a psych concept here about how belongingness in a team can up the group’s productivity and performance. And how since it basically makes you feel good, you’re more inclined to continue this behavior.
Because what my “why” boils down to is pretty straightforward – I do things coz it makes me happy. When I go on about living my best possible life, it just means being the happiest. Traveling, going out, getting my nails done – as long as my choices do not harm anyone – then why not, diba? Not everyone will agree with my life choices, but at the end of the day, you will be most accountable to yourself. So live the life that makes you feel good about living – and if you can make it so that living your life makes others feel good about living theirs, then all the more better. One exception though – short term pain for long term growth. Sometimes, you do things because “it’s good for you” – even if it sucks for you at the moment. As much as I always preach the doctrine of the mean, in life, there still are some objective black and whites. Like exercise. Or growing as a person. Or outgrowing who you were as a person. And these things, it mostly just suck at the beginning, but you keep doing it and sooner or later you realize that hey, it actually doesn’t suck as much and it actually feels GREAT.
I know I’m starting to come across as an extremely hedonistic person, being driven by what feels good, BUT, I honestly believe that better decisions come from a position of happiness or feeling good. One of the things I’ve been personally working on is making decisions out of love, not fear (yes, I saw this line on Instagram, haha). Not in the romantic sense but more of in the “does this make my heart feel more alive?” kind of sense. And I’ve touched up on this here, but sometimes my loss-aversion turns into opportunity-aversion because I don’t want to take the risk. BUT IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO TAKE RISKS. It also doesn’t help that I’m a Capricorn, the most pragmatic/utilitarian sign of the Zodiac (side note: does being in to astrology make me less of a Capricorn?). I guess what I’m saying is this – there are so many reasons to do certain things and to live your life a certain way. But I think the best “why” is because it adds real value to your life (hindi yung good for 5 minutes then like shit for the next 24 hours, haha) or at least it has the possibility to add real value to your life. Sometimes the possibility alone is worth taking a chance on. Don’t get me wrong though, some things are ends in itself – AND IT’S OKAY. It’s just up to you to classify the values. I was gonna write about how you shouldn’t live your life living up to expectations and societal norms – BUT WHAT IF THAT’S THE SHIT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD? I mean, there ARE people who thrive off that and what makes their trip any less acceptable than ours?
At the end of the day, it all boils down to knowing what makes you feel legit good. It stems from really knowing yourself and your values, and accepting EVERYTHING about you. That even if others don’t agree with you, these are YOUR priorities, and that if you have points for improvement, it’s acknowledging it and working on it. It’s about being HONEST. And yeah, honesty can sometimes feel like coming from a position of fear, but like exercise and other great things that suck at first, it’s the ultimate jump off point for love.
In the words of that famous Jesuit quote:
“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.“
– Fr. Pedro Arrupe SJ
xx