HIGH UP ON THE THINGS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DISCUSS with people you are not close with, and most definitely people you’ve just met, is RELIGION. But hey, if people can ask me why I’m single at almost 30 and if I’m worried about my biological clock ticking, then I can definitely talk about God. And after starting my journey of rekindling our relationship through BLD, I most definitely want to talk about God.
Why now when I seldom talk about Him? Like what I’ve been mentioning before, sometimes you feel something – or are something – so intense that it just naturally pours out of you. And yes, I do feel hypocritical since I’ve actually poked fun at people who did too before. (Sorry!) I guess it was just pouring out of them too. I just couldn’t take their too rigid version of religion, the same way I bet they can’t take my too liberal view. But that’s the thing. As a community, we are bound by our own human limits. Do I feel that the Church screwed up? Yes, in so many ways. I’ve actually come as far as saying I believed in God but I didn’t believe in the Roman Catholic Church as an institution. I believed that God is a personal experience. I mean it is, but it also just isn’t. Without community, I was missing out on the chance to expand and deepen my relationship with Christ. The Church, with its flaws, has the good at its heart. And those sacraments? I thought I could deal without them. But there’s actually comfort in the tradition it is richly rooted in. I haven’t all of a sudden become super eager to attend mass, but I can honestly say that I appreciate it more now (especially if it comes with a good Homily). And if it means trying different Churches to find a priest that clicks? So be it.
Aside from feeling like a hypocrite when I talk about religion, I also feel that I’d end up stepping on someone’s toes when I do. Being someone who needs constant approval, this isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I mean, it’s taboo for a reason. And that reason being not everyone shares the same religion and I might make you feel iffy because what I might be telling you goes against your personal beliefs. But hey, I’m not telling you you’re wrong (or at least I try not to directly, hehe) and I’m just sharing my personal experiences not because I want to start an argument but because I feel it overflowing, and aren’t we at least allowed that? If in love couples can post countless selfies and cheesy professions, wasn’t I allowed to do the same? Sure, not everyone is going to like it, but so what? I’m sure there will be at least 1 who will appreciate it (the other half of the couple, haha). Do it for that person. (Sometimes, that person might even be you from the future!) Let’s not be shy. Voice it out. Besides, all organized religion and most personal beliefs are deeply rooted in LOVE, so aren’t we all in some way blanketed by the same dogma?
I guess what truly makes discussing God and religion uncomfortable is that we’re admitting to relying on something that isn’t us. This makes us appear weak. And who wants to appear weak? We’re so keen on putting our best foot forward and curating our lives for everyone to see. We’ve been so caught up with receiving external validation and we’d rather attribute the good to ourselves. I say this because I myself am guilty of that. I am so fixated on being “perfect” and living the “best possible life”, so obviously, being strong and self-sufficient are elements of that. It makes me “uncool” if I need a divine being to guide me through life. Why can’t I do it myself, diba? Plus, we’ve been trained to place logic above everything. God doesn’t really fall in the spectrum of “quantifiable” as although we can observe and test our hypotheses, these are all still subject to our personal experiences and isn’t something that can be easily accepted by everyone as say, water is made of 2 hydrogen atoms plus oxygen. Putting your faith on something unexplainable is, well, faith. For most, this lack of logic makes it questionable. Even I myself rely too much on intellect at times, even during BLD sessions, but truth is, we just have to surrender and be open to receive God’s grace. And I personally need God’s grace especially for challenges and issues that are not humanly bearable – such as complete forgiveness and healing. The best part? His grace is readily available, we just need to ask.
So, I guess my point is, it’s okay to search for God. It doesn’t make you weak. Quite contrary actually. One of my favorite themes from BLD is that “it is through weakness that God shows His strength”. And it’s been an AMAZING experience seeing Him work through me and for me. So, yeah, I do want to talk about it and I get why other people want to talk about it. It’s too good not to share! I also understand why others don’t want to talk about it; why I didn’t want to talk about it. So if you want to talk about it too but are shy or ashamed, know that there’s at least one person out here willing and excited to hear you out – me. 🙂